Everyone needs love: even the hardest mountain, even the softest sand!
The thought hit me hard when I was last with my boyfriend. The feel of his freshly washed hair slipping between my fingers. The smirk on his face as he sat next to me on the floor of our bathroom while I soaked in the tub; handing me a lit joint and fumbling. He dropped it on my chest and we laughed at the little flame that posed no danger. Nothing could hurt with him protecting me. His love comforted the pang in my heart that came every time I thought about my last relationship. And the thought hit me fast that my mother has lived a decade deprived of this happiness.
Intimacy after 40 doesn’t get the attention it deserves. Especially for single moms. They are expected to simply devote themselves to their kids and abstain from sex. In between mothering and working, they deserve to be loved again. They are entitled to life after the kids go to bed. Most importantly, they are entitled to believe the heartwarming and healthy ode to the universal truth that it’s never too late to love and be loved.
My dad died when I was 10. Ever since then, my mother has pursued her motherhood with every bone in her body and every buck in her bank account. The years spent with my father were full of love, and in the darkness without him, she must have longed for his touch and yearned to be cared for. It would be okay had she kept the embers of her desires burning; also looking for a partner would have made me feel proud of her for paving her path of survival, however taboo her approach be.
And now, it’s important to talk. It is important to have them talk about their life with us. Not every last detail from their private little black book-but make us their confidante. We should teach them to trust that the great love that they are seeking is seeking them. Moreover this is a perfect opportunity to know it for ourselves that for them falling in love will not diminish what they feel for us in any way. They love us and will always have enough room in their heart for us. Getting into a new relationship just means that love can happen at any time, and fairy tales can be rewritten-and that when it does, it can be something special.
Midlife love do overs are hot. Many people in their golden years have desires for intimacy that go unfulfilled when a partner dies. It’s a grief that no one talks about. You can honor your past, treasure it, but you do not have to live in your past. The second love will be different. It will feel foreign and it will make you uncomfortable at first. They will speak differently, laugh differently and they’ll love differently. That’s okay. You just have to go with it. You are not cheating or casting aspersions on your love for the partner who died. You can really take the time to choose carefully the second time round. Finding someone new can be liberating from all those parts of yourself that you have moved away from, grown out of or simply chosen to release. You can try out all new ways of being in love, of being with a partner. You can get your toe curling romance by changing the old school rules of dating. You can rediscover sexuality and sensuality and make peace with your imperfect bodies because they are going to be cherished in entirely new ways. To lose the exhaustion, hopelessness and despair of the previous relationship here you get a love at your second innings.