Most descriptions of troubled marriages don’t seem to fit my situation. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship: great kids, no financial stresses, careers we love, and great friends. He is phenomenal at work, f*cking handsome, attentive lover, fit, and generous to everyone, including my parents. My life is good. Yet I am having an affair. And not with someone I would ever date—ever, ever, ever.
In the focus on trauma and recovery, too little attention is given to the meanings and motives of affairs. Trying to understand this situation more deeply, here is probably what leads to extra marital affairs:
The best SEX is Extramarital Sex (perhaps)
Believe it or not, the parameters of a successful marriage depend as much on sex and intimacy as it does on emotional support; once the honeymoon period is over in any relationship, the mundane sets in. While many couples manage to make the mundane magical, to some, it feels like being stuck in a rut. The lack of action in bed often drives them towards extramarital affair.
Regret over early Marriage
People who got married in their early 20s feel that they didn’t ‘play the field’ enough in their youth. They regret getting married too soon and missing out on fun and dating. To ‘undo’ this mistake, many may indulge in an extramarital affair to bring excitement and fun to their life.
Married for the WRONG reasons
Pressures from family and society top this list. After a point, many people agree to marriage without even getting to know their life partner. Once the deed is done, they realize the mistake they have made in terms of the choice of their life partner. The minute they find someone who is more attractive to them than their partner, it can lead to infidelity.
Everyone speaks a different love language. That is to say that even when two people love each other very much, the way they express it can be very different. With lack of time and communication couples grow emotionally disconnected from each other. Today’s busy lifestyle may be playing a huge role in this.
Need For Excitement
Life with the spouse and kids becomes ‘smooth’, predictable and the pure risk of an affair sparks new spirit. This could bring adventure in a dull and bland life and is an easy escape for such individuals; and the thrill seems worth the risk.
A good marriage is no guarantee against infidelity. Infidelity today isn’t just a violation of trust. It is a shock that makes us question our past, our future, and even our very identity. It reveals our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment—and also our want for everything that the traditional family was meant to provide—security, respectability, property, and children. We know that it takes two to build a relationship; but in infidelity, there are only villains and victims. Perhaps it’s a means to stay and not to leave.
Do you agree that these factors play an important role in driving someone towards an extra-marital affair? Share your opinion with us by commenting below.