Pull the plug on people-pleasing
Are you easily affected by what others think of you? Do you feel the constant urge to make everyone around you happy and blame yourself for their bad behaviour towards you?
These might be some of the signs to predict that you have a personality which we know as people-pleaser. You try to please everyone around you and end up distressed and angry when you fail to do so – which, in all probability, happens majority of the times.
Expecting yourself to be able to do that is unfair and also puts your happiness and peace of mind in jeopardy. Here, we are going to talk about some of the most recognizable personality traits of people-pleasers and how to deal with it.
Make your happiness a priority
One of the biggest reasons that a people-pleaser find themselves in a frustrating position is because they don’t know how to say no to others. This type of person ends up agreeing upon doing something which, in the first place, they did not want to do at all.
However, they feel uncomfortable, and sometimes scared, to reject someone’s request. Now, it is a great thing to help others and sometimes we all should be ready to sacrifice our own comfort for others.
But, it becomes a problem when done in excess. And what can it lead to? People taking an advantage of you. So, next time if you know that you don’t want to do something – just say NO. You might feel bad but in the long run, you’ll learn to enjoy its benefits.
Take a stand
People pleasers are not just known to agree with what others want them to do. They often agree with the opinions and ideas of other people even when they do not conform. Now, this is a problem.
Why? Because not getting a chance to share what you think can really frustrate you. And, there is always a chance that your opinion makes more sense. It can not just help you but also the others around you.
So, learn to speak up and take a stand for yourself and for what you believe in. What if others are offended by it? Then they do not deserve to be in your circle.
Learn to appreciate yourself
How do you motivate yourself when you are easily influenced by the opinion of others? It is great to have friends around you who push you to perform and achieve your goals and who appreciate you and celebrate with you in your moment of joy.
But, it might be dangerous to put your motivation entirely in others’ hands. This might boomerang and make it hard for you to pick up yourself without external support.
Also, it might make you dependant on others making you susceptible to their judgement of your work. So, it is always better to know your targets and achievements and appreciating yourself whenever needed.
“I have been there when you seek validation for everything. You want people to appreciate you and that’s why you spend so much time on social media trying to impress others. The day I stopped doing that, I felt happier,” says a 24-year-old Delhi University student.
Let things be
Remember, there are going to be times when you want to set things right and make someone happy but you cannot. In that case, do not fret over it because not everything is in your hands.
Sometimes people just need to be left alone and time should be let to heal some pains. You are not responsible for happiness and sadness of other people – just like they are not responsible for yours.
So, take a breath and let things be. Try, when you think you can actually change something but try in a limit.
Express your emotions
One last thing and perhaps also the most important – vent. If you feel happy, sad, angry, disappointed, motivated, etc by others’ actions, let them know. Your criticism of their behaviour towards you will help them improve themselves or give you a chance to talk things out.
“It is always better to speak the truth. What good is it going to get you if you just keep suppressing your feelings? Some day it is all going to come out. It is like carrying a baggage on your shoulders,” says 25-year-old Charu Das, a media professional in Delhi.
Concealing your emotions can lead to piling up and sudden release in a way which might not be good for you or the ones around you. If you are suppressing your emotions, you are just hurting yourself.
So yes, go ahead and talk!
These are some of the important points you should keep in mind if you think you are a people pleaser. Remember, it is good to be nice but it isn’t good to suffer while attempting to be nice.
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